Moving

I've moved. I have my reasons. I'm having a moving party. You're all invited!

http://gulliblestravelsdma.wordpress.com/

Whose Fault Is It Anyway?

The last post spawned several comments and most likely some deep emotional reactions.  As we were going through these events as a church we went into human mode.  Pastor’s continued dishonesty and power plays caused many in the church to behave in ways that were inconsistent with how Christians ought to behave. As a result there were back hallway whispers, clandestine meetings over how to relieve the church of his services, and orchestrating committees and appointing particular people to carry that out. 

Others dug their heals in and backed up Pastor simply because he was Pastor.  They believed that his position required respect and loyalty regardless of his actions.  No mere lay person should disagree with Pastor.  He is the shepherd and the sheep should just follow.  Pastor is entitled to lead the church as he sees fit and control the finances and direction of the church with no questions asked.

Now there were those who behaved in very prayerful, thoughtful ways.  They confronted those on both sides about their behavior and confronted Pastor about his bad behavior.  They participated neither in the gossip, nor the backbiting and battling that had been raging.  These people still have my utmost respect.   

It may seem from my previous post that, as Exrelayman said(I believe tongue-in-cheek) :

“Well, there ya go D'Ma. Pastor's fault. If you had been pastored by a True Pastor, you would not now be such a vile apostate :) “

What I am recording here are my observations in looking at things from the lens of objectivity, I hope.  While we were in the midst of this that was nearly impossible.  You see, these events had no impact whatsoever on my faith.  I, along with others, truly believed that God was speaking to us.  We prayed, we read our Bibles, we felt impressed upon by the Holy Spirit.  No matter whom you spoke to, whether it was those against the Pastor, for the Pastor, or somewhere in between, they all believed they were doing what God was telling them to. The fact of the matter is we believed, at least some of us, that this brought us closer to God because we had to rely on him.


I have long since given up the notion that other people’s behavior or attitude should have any bearing on my Christianity or lack thereof.  I was a TrueBeliever.  As such I knew that all people, including myself, were fallen, that we all had a sin nature, and that people would disappoint.  I’ve recanted that to myself more times than I care to count.  God is the only perfect being.  Christians behaving badly was just a result of their sin nature.   I could preach that sermon.


No, it isn’t Pastor’s fault I’m such a vile apostate now.  Is there a fault to be had?  I say I’ve just woken up to reality, to the fact that things in Christianity don’t add up. I’m not turning my back on faith because someone else didn’t live up to it.  That’s a ridiculous notion.  I’m not saying that there are those who don’t feel that way, but by and large the people who come here to this blog aren’t them.  Sure, they have feelings about what happened when they were Christians, if they ever were.  They have feelings about the way Christians carry on about their certainty of God even if they were never Christians themselves.


What I’m saying is, that in the cold light of day, when you wake up to reality and figure out that the Holy Spirit isn’t acting in the world nobody, really at the heart of it, can be a Christian.  If the true definition is Christ, the God-man, living in you it doesn’t exist. For the most part liars are still liars, cheaters are still cheaters, and sinners, well…they still sin. Except when you leave religion out of it there’s no such thing as sin.  There’s right and there’s wrong and what’s right and what’s wrong largely gets determined by who it hurts.   Is that depressing?  It can be.  Being perfectly honest it was more depressing to me when I thought that there was supposed to be someone guiding us all not to do those things and yet we did them anyway.


I find it easier to swallow when I see folks the way they really are..  Just people.  People making decisions and taking actions and calling it religion.    

Leading in Worship

Leading in worship was what we were told we were doing.  When I joined the choir at church it was because I love to sing.  I don't do it all that well but I make a joyful noise.  Anyway being part of the choir I got to see things.  Things I wish I hadn't seen, but am ultimately glad I did see.

Music has always moved me deeply.  I think it's like that for a lot of people.  I considered a privilege to be a part of others' worship experience.  I thought I was helping people, including myself, go to a deeper place of spirituality, where they met with their Master and were communing with Him in some meaningful way.  I knew that it affected me and others emotionally, I just never considered that it was manipulation, at least not until I was in choir practice when the Minister of Music announced that Pastor had asked for a particular song as the choir special this coming Sunday.

Oh, it was a beautiful song.  One I've always loved,  The Majesty and Glory of Your Name.  In and of itself the Pastor asking for a particular song wasn't a bad thing. It was a simple request, not out of line. Not until Sunday.  The choir sang the song and had the congregation in a worshipful frame of mind for the Pastor to preach his sermon and for us to be moved by it.  He took the pulpit and began his sermon with, "It is amazing how God orchestrates things.  I am almost speechless. The Minister of Music had no idea what I'd be preaching, and I had no idea what music he had prepared for today and this song just goes perfectly along with the sermon that God has prepared for me to preach today."

Huh?  To be honest I can't even remember what he preached except that it was from Psalm 8.  I was so flabbergasted and distracted I spent the rest of the service wondering what in the world this man was doing.  Why did he even need to say that?  Why lie?  Not just embellish, not just exaggerate, but bold face lie from the pulpit.  That wasn't the last time I witnessed such a thing.  It led to my leaving the choir because I felt like a fraud.  We weren't leading anyone into a deeper relationship with God, we were manipulating their emotions, softening them up for Pastor's hammer.

At the time I thought this Pastor was just a poor one.  I still think that to a large degree.  Later it was discovered that he ripped his sermons off of the internet. I'd like to think when a man stands in the pulpit and says he's preaching what he felt impressed upon by the Holy Spirit to preach that at least he believes that to be true. 

How many times had I heard a Pastor, any Pastor, say these kinds of things?  I wonder now how often it was a coincidence that the music matched the sermon and how many times the Pastor orchestrated it and called it an act of God?  One thing became very clear.  Pastors know that music is emotive and they use it to manipulate the sheep.

Nostalgia

This used to be my favorite Christmas song.  I would get goosebumps and my eyes would well up with tears at the very thought of this line: "Mary did you know, when you kissed your tiny baby, you kissed the face of God?".  I had a very emotional response to it.

I still like the song and honestly still have an emotional response to it.  Sometimes it frightens me when I think to myself, "What if I'm wrong? What if the Fundies have it right?  Where did my faith go?  You could choose to believe just like you've always believed."  But when I believed I didn't know a lot of the things I now know.  I sheltered myself from the knowledge of exactly how the Bible came to be.  I bought into it's inerrancy and the preservation of God's Holy Word by the Holy Spirit.

I cannot now un-know.  How do I go back?  I can't.  I could not un-see my parents putting those gifts under the Christmas tree and I cannot un-see what is clearly there with regards to scripture.  Like the six-year old who had seen the curtain pulled back and the Wizard exposed for what it really was, I can never view God again in the same way.  Maybe there is a God, but I cannot fathom that He is the God of the Bible.

The awe, the wonder, the magic of Mary kissing the very face of God in her tiny baby has been relegated to nostalgia much like Santa and the Easter Bunny.  I can no longer believe in the magic, but I can still appreciate the fairy tale.

Do/did you have a favorite Christmas song?  Share it in the comments if you like!

A Christmas Memory

It was Christmas morning and Ruth was excited.  It was already daylight outside and Karen was still asleep.  How could she sleep?  Surely Santa was long gone by now!  So Ruth quietly climbed out of the bed they shared, tiptoed into the kitchen and peeped her little head around the kitchen door to see if she could spy what he had left.  What in the world?  That's mama and daddy putting the gifts under the tree, not Santa.

Now, Ruth was only six, but she was no dummy.  Something wasn't adding up here.  It hadn't been that long ago that she saw that same little Singer sewing machine in the top of the closet at Ann's shop.  When Ruth asked her about it then Ann told her she was storing it for a customer to give their daughter at Christmas.  She wasn't foolin' anybody.  That was Ruth's sewing machine all along.

So Ruth tiptoed back to bed and climbed in and pulled the covers up.  She waited patiently until Karen woke up.  And by patiently I mean that she moved about and bounced the bed as much as she possibly could without outright jumping on it like a trampoline.  They got up and tore into the living room where there, under the tree, was that shiny new sewing machine, complete with thread and some scraps of fabric.

Ruth mentioned to Karen what she had seen, but Karen just passed it off.  She was ten so she knew better.  There was a Santa Claus and mama and daddy were not it.  We didn't have a chimney, so Santa had to leave the presents outside.  Mama and daddy must have brought them in and gone back to bed.  That's all.  Ruth had misunderstood what she saw.

No matter.  Ruth couldn't wait to use that sewing machine.  It was a real one.  It plugged into the wall and really worked.  Mama and daddy awoke to the rather noisy sound of sewing.  Boy that thing was loud. Ruth had set that thing up on the table, threaded it, and went to town sewing those tiny scraps of fabric together.  She wanted to be just like Ann.  And now she was.  This was great!

There was just the matter of the whole Santa thing.  Ruth couldn't get it out of her head what she'd seen.  And she wasn't buying what Karen was selling.  Karen could go on believing that if she wanted to, but Ruth knew the truth.  A big man, in a red suit, delivering presents to all the kids in the world in one night?  No way.  But Ruth never mentioned what she'd seen to Ann and J.L.  She thought it would disappoint them if she knew the truth.  So she just let them play the game and she played right along with them.  

Thinky Thoughts

Sometimes I have thinky thoughts that really probably are better left alone.  Questions arise in my mind that probably really have no answer, at least not yet, and maybe never.  I know I'm not alone in this.

My thinky, thoughtful question of the day:  Why is that the creationist has no trouble believing that there is a God, that that God spoke and everything was created, and that that God did all the things attributed to Him in the Bible, but that stuff just couldn't simply be here, like DNA?  DNA couldn't just be.  According to creationists something or someone had to have made DNA.

The things that are here, tadpoles, fish, grass, trees, dogs, lizards, people couldn't have possibly evolved.  Yet they have no trouble believing that God was just here.   Nothing or noone created Him.  He just was.  How come stuff that's here couldn't be just like that?  Why does there have to be a creator for there to be things?

This is not my way of putting a spin on the "who created God" thing.  I just don't understand why it's so far-fetched to subscribe to evolution, but a no brainer to think there's a God the just said, "Let there be _____.", and there was.

::sarcasm:: I'm very scientific ::sarcasm::.  That is all.

Turning a Blind Eye

The Penn State scandal is old news now.  There is really no need to rehash the alleged misdeeds of Jerry Sandusky.  No.  I want to talk about the rage that people feel when they think about a man who did absolutely nothing.  A man who allegedly saw Jerry Sandusky violating a child and then turned around and walked away. He passed the buck and thought someone else would fix it.

So now when people think about that they get angry.  Rightfully angry.  Righteous anger.  Some people want to know way a rather young, rather large guy, didn't punch Sandusky in the face.  I want to know why he didn't just say, "Excuse me, Mr. Sandusky, what in the world are you doing?"  That's probably all it would have taken to stop it.  At least for that one child.  How do you witness that, quietly sneak away, and then lay your head down and sleep for the next dozen or so years?  

But then this happens quite a bit of the time.  People see things, they know something terrible happened, and they look the other way.  Somehow they pretend it never happened.  When the truth comes out anger ensues.  Not just at the party who did the horrible deed, but the person or persons who could have stopped it.  How could they have known this and done absolutely nothing? 

Shouldn't the people who knew about these heinous acts be held accountable? That's the problem with idolizing figures and worshiping them.  It blinds you.  You're so enamored with the persona that you can't see the obvious flaws. You're willing to sweep glaring problems under the rug.  Maybe it's cognitive dissonance.  Maybe what you see or find out is so completely contrary to what you've believed that you can't even process it so you begin to rationalize it.  After you're done rationalizing it you somehow twist it around so that it's not such a bad thing.  The evil doer is spreading so much good that surely it outweighs his bad.  That seems sick and twisted doesn't it?  Besides this scandal would rock the establishment and we can't have that.

What do we call someone who can willingly turn a blind eye to the suffering of others?  What do we say about someone who has it in their power to right a wrong but doesn't?   Why we call him good, benevolent, kind, loving, merciful, gracious and just.  We call him God.